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Sorting things out

I am still trying to make sense of how it is fair that I am paying my ex-husband’s business expenses because he ended up losing his business and filing chapter 7. I can see where I signed the paperwork, even though I was just going along with signing the paperwork because I figured I was silly for worrying the business would flop.

Turns out I was not silly. I should trust my instincts sometimes.

So until I am able to do something else, I am stuck paying money to the guy who loaned him money.

It could be worse. We are still able to pay bills. It could be a bigger amount. People could be coming by to take our stuff, but they’re not.

So why do I feel so awful about it? Because it is not fair. It’s not moral, even though it is legal.

I went to counseling for awhile. She told me I needed to get mad, and I am, but I’m not sure that helps.

Now, I am worried about my health. It must be the new thing to worry about. I had my heart checked out in stress test. It is fine. A doctor prescribed new meds, but I have days when I just don’t feel right… even though the numbers look alright. I just changed meds today, and I need to let them sink in. I need to trust my doctor is doing the right thing. If something happens, then I can always go to the ER, right? 🙂

Everything is going to be fine. I just need to relax a little and stop worrying. I can do it, because I’ve already survived a lot. I survived leaving a bad marriage and moving on. I survived living on my own with my daughter for awhile and filling out paperwork for my new husband to come to America. I survived people being pretty crappy to me and all sorts of things.

I flew all the way to England on my own, feeling some of the anxiety that I do now. I took a chance, and it was totally worth it.

I can do this, too. 🙂

Olympics Closing Ceremonies

Hard to believe the 2012 Olympics are drawing to a close. I just wanted to note a few of the athletes I’ve been avidly following with our abbreviated coverage:

Usain Bolt… one of the fastest men in the world

Allison Raisman – impeccable floor exercise in Women’s Gymnastics

Rebecca Soni – Amazing swimmer

Chad Le Clos – Who just narrowly beat Michael Phelps in the Men’s 200m Butterfly Final – The look on his face said it all.

Michael Phelps – Things started off not too great for him, but he may have one a few medals (22 medals, 18 of them gold)

The men’s Marathon was won by Stephen Kiprotich from Uganda to win Uganda’s first medal of London 2012 and their first gold medal since 1972.

Well, done London. What an amazing show! So proud of everyone who obviously put such hard effort into the 2012 Summer Olympics.

My Happy Birthday

My birthday was wonderful. My parents called at 7:00am (easier for them to call, I bet, because it’s 2pm where they are) to sing the birthday song and chat a bit. It was good to hear from them.

Next, presents and spending time with Brit and Ian, including going to breakfast, watching “Salmon Fishing in the Yemen” (a wonderful movie) and a visit to the park downtown to watch the ducks and geese.

…followed by yummy salmon for dinner (courtesy of my husband) and some yummy birthday cake.

It was an awesome day! 🙂

Volleyball Week

I love the summer sports programs run through the local High School for middle school kids. It would be nicer to have them last a month, but I will still take 2 hours of learning and exercise for 4 days or a week and count it as extremely valuable.

Brit’s been nearly dragging me off to the gym at night. She loves to run on the treadmill, which I think is wonderful. I spend 10 minutes on a bike, and 10 minutes weightlifting, and that’s what I’m starting with.

I see my doctor again in January. I plan to be healthier and have lower cholesterol by then (and maybe some better blood pressure). 🙂 I hope Brit will be feeling much healthier by then, too.

Is it Friday?

Well, here it is “Finally Friday” and I’m not so sure I have snapped out of “I don’t want to talk to anyone because it’s Monday” mode, yet. But maybe the long holiday weekend will help.

I’ve been doing a bit of reading this week. In my email update from Alrighttit.com, I ran into this blog which is written by a woman who has unfortunately just passed away.

I think Ellie’s blog is hugely insightful. She was in her late 20’s and suffering from secondary breast cancer, talking about treatment and how she felt having to realize her life would be much more brief than she wanted or expected.

Reading through her posts was very enlightening because they were so thought-provoking, making you feel like, in the same situation, these were thoughts or questions you’d have also. Ellie was able to say exactly what was on her mind.. her fears, her treatment, her thoughts about her diagnosis, and how cancer is arbitrary and not a punishment for some act in your life that caused bad karma.

She left behind and a loving fiance. They were just a few weeks away from getting married.

It made me appreciate the value of being alive and able to read her words in the company of my husband and daughter, who mean so much to me.

On another note, we are still waiting for USCIS to approve Ian’s 10-year greencard. We’ve reached the 6-month anticipated approval date. Hopefully, there is some news soon, although it’s not a huge issue. He has a one-year extension that expires at the end of igao视频网在线观看, so approval before then would be nice.

Have a good weekend, people.

Facebook Hiatus

.. for however long it lasts… Maybe just today. I like being able to share photos with people and hear about what people are doing. There are other things not-so-fun.

I signed out of Facebook on my iPhone. I have to say, things have been a bunch quieter.

Did I mention that I have a new iPhone? It’s company provided, so it’s free while I’m employed, which is nice. It’s interesting watching it correct things (to the wrong words) or not correct things. 🙂 Also, it’s fun dealing with intermittent slowness of updates, thanks to cell phone technology and availability.

I’ll catch up on photos later.

Back to “Me”

I think sometimes it just takes some time to flip out a bit in the face of adversity, and return to your former self. The hazard of feeling “flipped out a bit” is that you worry if you’re permanently flipped out a bit, or if it is just a temporary thing.

It takes awhile, sometimes, to find strength, like it’s a lost thing in your handbag or in your luggage (if you’re a guy). Sometimes, it takes a bit of time to find perspective.

Sometimes, high blood pressure pills are needed. 🙂

In any event, life is interesting, isn’t it? I guess most of my life has been moving along on an even keel, but likely, the more horrid things have just become less horrid over time, or have faded into “that wasn’t really as important as it seemed at the time” oblivion. I thought life would be easier as it went along… lessons learned, and all that, but notsomuch. Mid-life seems to be about how to figure out how to deal with what life throws you, and realizing that no matter what, you can find a way to get through it.

I am blessed, really, and lucky, to have the friends and family that I have, who are such a joy to have in my life.

A Good Psalm – This is the Day

I’m not overtly religious, but I do believe in God. I’ve spent many, many years in the Catholic church. Once I was all grown up, I decided that I still believed, but was a bit worried about some of the things happening in the church. So, although I do occasionally stop by a church, most of my belief is in my head, recharged at times by some reading, like this passage I had in my head for some reason:

This is the day which the LORD has made;
Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

To me, among other things, this means, “Enjoy this day. It’s only here once.”

Realization

Today, I went to talk to a friend who helped me put a few things into perspective. She said, “There is something you should think about when you think about all of your recent struggles. This is going to be hard for you to hear. Are you ready? THIS is the best time in your life!”

It was *how* she said it that turned the light on. The relief it brought lasted all afternoon; the feeling of “You know? You’re absolutely right. I have my husband (and daughter) and you’re exactly right.”

It only took me 15 tissues to get there. 🙂

A powerful song

by the amazing Whitney Houston. Rest in Peace, and thank you for the music ❤