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I think God is on MY side…

So, in a very stressful situation, not only did something helpful happen more quickly, but the thing that happened also gave us some helpful direction. Most of the stress is gone right now and we are just in a holding pattern.

And someone important said, “This is crap and you shouldn’t have to do it.” Let’s figure a better way out (I know I’m being vague, but imagine yourself in a helpless situation, and that’s what I’m talking about).

Every day for the last week, I said prayers and people were saying prayers for us (please don’t stop), and things came together enough for us and started making a little sense before we went insane, or decided to live on wine alone, or take up smoking, and I have to say: That’s a good thing.

My prayer had to do with helping someone to figure a different way out of something difficult so that they could stop coming after me about it. It was a good prayer, I think.. one that was focused on helping more than just me.

The fat lady has not sung, but at least we have a bit of peace for now.

Just when you think you…

.. have the corner on misery or anxiety, someone comes along to prove they have problems, too. I won’t go into details, really, but this woman has a relative in the hospital and is juggling a really heavy schedule. She was in pieces today. I felt so bad for her, but I felt helpless, too. Someone stepped in and talked to her for awhile, and then she seemed to be a little better.

Life is weird and full of unanticipated obstacles. I would be perfectly happy floating evenly through life, with just a minor bump here and there, you know, where you just have to worry about whether you’ve got clean clothes to wear to work tomorrow.

Is that too much to ask?

How do you get through major obstacles in life? My methods: Try to keep busy, and pray a lot. Keep talking to your friends and family. Develop a mantra… mine are, “I can do this!” and “It’s going to be alright”. Sometimes, “Don’t let the b*stards get you down.” is helpful, too. 🙂

So A Man

by Ian Barker

So a man walk up to me an ‘im say
That do fearing that he die today
And never had done a good ting in his life
He will give me all the money him has
In his wallet
And it would be a blessing to him
For me to take it
And for me to eat well with it
Or to drink a hot coffee on dis a cold day.
Then he look at me with a serious look
On him face and him say
that I not to use it to buy drugs
Or to buy drink to get me drunk
For a shame meself and by that
Shame him too.
And he tell me that he have done
Nothing good deed in his life
And he has family that he never
Has spoken to in a long time
And that when they did last talk
It was all hot words with them high talk
To each other and it spin out of control
Until now none of dem talk and none of dem remember the subject
But nothing else but the high talk for more
Than five years with no slips.
Water pass under the bridge
Plus he no longer has a name for
Where they all live or even if they live.
And he say to me this happen over nothing
But stupidity and big pride of himself and one another
Of his others.
And then he looks at me all sad and says
For his god to bless me and he hope I keep warm.
I say to im I never have the want of drugs and I don’t
Do getting drunk because I sit here and wait
All my time
For enough to eat and nothing more.
So then he makes this kind of unhappy face and says
Sure he believes me and just goes off
Like a smell chase him away quick.
And I look and he has put to me $10
In my hand
Which I think is a poor likkle amount to carry out
If you think you are thinking you might die
Without a good deed to your name
When the time is up.

I guess..

I always find it interesting when websites or books offer suggestions about how to think your way out of stressful situations.    When I am stressed out, it’s difficult for me to concentrate on anything except the thing that is stressing me out.  I am in panic mode.   Even with good stress.

I remember going to England.  A few days before, it became absolutely impossible to think about anything.   It was good I started my packing a couple of weeks in advance, really, or I’d just be taking my handbag.   The thing about good stress, though, is that you know something really good is at the end of the stressful part.   The opposite is true when you’re in a not-so-good situation and you’re just not sure what the end result will be.

I find the only way to get out of ruminating on something is to do something else that requires thought, to take my mind off it.   Of course, the whole trick to this is pushing yourself to do anything at all, instead of sit around and worry.

I have tried to think of people who must be going through worse situations.  The problem is that I can’t do anything to help those people either.   So a feeling of helplessness still goes on.

What do you do to take your mind off overly stressful situations?

On Going to Sleep

I found an interesting site that talks about visualization when you need a break from your day or need some help going to sleep.   I think I was on the right track in my last post when I said that the trick to going to sleep was to not think too intensely about anything, and this idea goes right along with that.

I had another helpful discussion with my husband last night before trying to go to sleep.  His undying support and understanding is amazing.  This is definitely what marriage should be like.

Afterward, I had a difficult time, still, getting to sleep, so I thought about my grandparents being there with me.   My grandparents lived in Illinois while I lived in Nebraska.   Every year, we went to Illinois to see them (it was a 10 hour drive) and it was wonderful to be able to see them.    Being able to feel they are with me sometimes helps a lot.

When I have a hard time going to sleep, I envision their house, too… walking in and noticing each room in detail.   Green shag carpet… white curtains, where my grandpa’s rocking chair was, and where the butterscotch candy dish sat by the couch.. Everything about it.

It’s my brain comfort food.   🙂

Stress Diet

I have lost 7 pounds this week, thanks to my new diet: Being Totally Stressed Out. There is nothing wrong with our little family, by the way. We are together and healthy and loving each other. We are each others’ strength, and that’s the way it should be.

The stress is coming from an external source and hopefully it will be resolved this week.

I’m praying for compassion this week … just a little. I know it’s possible.

A Bizarre Couple of Weeks

So the last couple of weeks have been a bit odd. One day, a man came banging on the door looking for someone he thought lived at our apartment. They got the security key from the management office, who said they knew this used to be my last name, but the person they were looking for didn’t live here. We had a word with management. Everything is cool now.

Over the weekend, some unexpected paperwork arrived. We were in a state of disbelief, but we cannot really explain more than that. We visited with a professional today and she made us feel better and gave us options for moving forward intelligently. This has saved us from mental breakdowns, I think. 🙂 It was good of the professional to spend 2 hours talking to us, gratis, we are pretty sure.

Tomorrow, we are accomplishing some things on our list of must-do’s. It is a good to not feel lost, really.

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