I’m Not Abnormal

So says my radiologist, which is most excellent. I can’t even begin to express the amount of dread hanging over my head for the last week. I can look at my family again and not wonder if I’m going to dessert them early. Well, you know, there is the bus I could be hit by tomorrow, but at least I have no terrible, life-threatening disease to report.

I do have a funny story, though.

Yesterday, I picked my 6-year-old up from school. I told her that I had my big x-ray at the hospital. This is how that went:

Her: Did you have to get an x-ray because your heart stop beating?
Me: Ummm.. no…
Her: Because if your heart stops beating, then you would be dead. I don’t like you to be dead.
Me: No?
Her: No, because then my daddy would pick me up every day at school and I would keep asking him for snacks…
Me: And he would say, “No”, right?
Her: Yeah..
Me: Well, don’t worry. My heart didn’t stop, ok?
Her: Ok

Every now and then, a good snack is called for.. especially if you’re a girl and require an occasional chocolate. 🙂

Getting Through the MRI

I got through the MRI quite well. After giving the radiology tech my medical history, I changed into hospital clothing and went into the MRI room.

It was a living room sized room with an MRI sitting in the middle of it. The MRI itself was only about 6 feet long. My mood instantly improved.

“It’s so SMALL compared to the one I had years ago!”, I said.

“Yes,” said the radio tech, “the newer ones aren’t so large.”

So I got my IV tube inserted and went into the MRI, so that only my head to my waist was inside. I closed my eyes after I got situated on the table, so I had no overly terrible feeling of being inside even a short tube. I had a comfy pillow to put my head on, and headphones with music from 100.7 playing, not that I could hear it above the sound of the MRI’s clunking.

When I was left with only the loud clunking, I had to play some mind games. I imagined that I was in a tanning bed (something I don’t use anymore). With my headphones on, it was easy to imagine. I started thinking about the last good times I had with my grandparents. I tried counting backwards from 1000 in threes, but seeing as I can’t do math in my head, I just did one number at a time. 🙂

Just when I started thinking, “Dang! This is taking too long!”, it was over.

I was only there for an hour. 1/2 of that time, I was inside the MRI. The rest of the time, I was giving medical history, changing clothes, or getting an IV.

Cake.

On the way to work, I was starving, since I was too worried to eat breakfast. I stopped at Scooters and got a Peach/Pear Plus Smoothie. Yum.

Here are some other good tips for getting through an MRI.

Weekends = Riding

We spent quite a bit of our weekend riding. It helped me to get my mind off of the MRI coming up on Monday.

One of my friends said that riding a motorcycle looked easy. Well, it’s not really. I mean, you become at ease with all the mechanics after awhile, but to me, it seems like there is always a challenge, always something to think about.

Riding in a group, like we do on the weekends, is a lot different than riding alone, like I do when I ride to work. When you’re riding in a group, you have to be cautious of the other motorcycles with you and keep your speed up with the group so as to avoid allowing a car to jump in amongst you.

When I ride alone, I only have to worry about me, and what the car drivers are doing.

Car drivers sometimes could be more careful about judging how close is too close and whether or not they have enough space to pull out in front of a motorcycle.

My safety class taught me how to stop abruptly. So far, I have not had to use that technique, but I still remember how to do it. It also taught me how to look ahead 12 carlengths to see what’s going on, so I can plan ahead. We’re taught to downshift through every gear on our way to a stop. This takes some time, but it’s nothing you think too much about once you get out on the road a few times. It just comes automatically.

I’m getting an ear for first gear, the handy gear to be in when you finally come to a stop. I love the louder “clunk” you hear when you find first gear. It’s a sign of the beginning of a trip or a sign of a successful stop. Sometimes it’s the sound when you have to follow a large farm implement down a road for a stretch.

My Butt is Broken

So, we got to the roller skating arena.. a place I haven’t been since junior high, and we put on skates and skated. The good news is that within the hour, the little kid was skating around the rink without holding onto the wall. I kept telling her, “We don’t need the stinking wall”.. not in a rude way, but in a funny way that would give her confidence. She was even skating in the inside lane without me.

Well, by then, it was that she HAD to skate without me. We were skating along and she fell and then my skates went right out from under me, and I landed HARD on the ground.

Ever had that sort of pain shoot through your body where you had to just stand (or sit, as the case may be) for a minute to make sure you you going to be able to move?

That was me.

Once I was able to stand up, I skated over to the carpeted area, where I stood up for awhile. I was contemplating whether I should sit, and if so, would it hurt to, and would I be able to get back up.

I sat down slowly and waited for The Little Kid to show up again.

Then a nasty migraine started, and we had to leave.

I bribed her out with a chocolate milkshake. Sad, but true.

It was a pretty bad start of a migraine, anyway. I had swirly lights on the left, then those went away and the swirly lights started on the right. Then they started in the middle.

Normally, when the lights go away, the headache starts, but sometimes the lights are all I get. I just got the lights this time, which was good.

So my question is: Does blunt force trauma to your body sometimes cause migraines?

Is there a doctor in the house?

It’s Official

I have bronchitis. It’s just a fancy word for saying my lungs are unhappy with my recent cold/allergy attack. It is also a good explanation for why I am so exhausted:

Bronchitis may be indicated by an expectorating cough (the color of the mucus does not signify whether the infection is viral or bacterial)[citation needed], dyspnea (shortness of breath) and wheeze, fever, and occasionally chest pains, fatigue and/or malaise.

I have a prescription for Z-Pac and a cough syrup to deal with it.

I think we’re off to the library today. I need to get my copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and The Little Kid needs to practice reading during break.

I like when she picks up a book and starts reading without being prompted.

BTW, it’s cold here for the rest of the week.

Ambien is my friend

Last night, I was wired past 10:30. It was then that I thought, “Darn… shoulda taken an Ambien.” If you’ve not see the many, many sleep aid commercials, then Ambien is a sleep aid. For me, it works. For my husband, he might as well be taking a sugar pill.

I slept for awhile, then woke up at 3:15. I’m not sure what the deal is, but 3:15 often seems like a convenient time to start ruminating about things… adding up how much money is in my checking account, for example (or subtracting, really), thinking about my health (which is relatively fine) or my age or flying saucers landing on the roof and whisking my golden retriever away. It’s all quite logical (or not).

So you’d better believe that at 9 o’clock tonight, I popped a 1/2 an Ambien, and I’m planning to get some major sleep. Hopefully, there will be no emergencies in the middle of the night, cause I’ll sleep right through them.

A Warm Day

Today, it’s gotten up to 77F, which is pretty warm for Nebraska in March. Our average daily temp is supposed to be around 50 degrees.

We decided to take advantage of the warm weather by going motorcycle riding. We chose a half-highway, half-city route. It was only about an hour, because the wind was aweful. I’m finding I have more fun riding in the city, just because I get a chance to hone my stopping skills. Taking off from a stop light used to be a chore, especially if it was on a hill, but it’s a breeze now. The only thing is judging when to start putting on the skids, so to speak.

Don’t worry.. I tend to stop way early of the stoplight, but I’m improving. 🙂

After we got home, we ate lunch and then The Little Kid and I headed off for the lake trail for some scooter riding. We took the dog, as well, and she loved the exercise. Whenever she sees her lead, she gets all excited. It’s fun to take it out when we’re not going anywhere at all, just to see her reaction.

Just kidding. I wouldn’t do that to her.

Someone down the street has their air conditioner on. Light weights. We can’t turn ours on yet, anyway, since it’s new and hasn’t been charged yet. That’s ok, though. In 70 degree weather, the ceiling fans will do.

Gosh, I kind of hate to go back to work tomorrow… 😦

Razor Scooter

Today, we bought this thing for my daughter. Don’t worry. We also bought a matching set of knee pads, elbow pads and wrist guards. She looks like “robogirl” when she goes out on it.
We’ve established rules:

1. The “I don’t care what you have to do to get off this thing before you get to the street”, rule.
2. Walk the scooter across the street… do not ride it.
3. When going downhill, keep one foot on the brake.
4. Mom waits at the street just in case of any equipment malfunctions. 🙂
I’m sure others will come along.
It seems to be good exercise, at least, and fun for her. It also forces me to get out and walk, which is good for me.

Reality 101

Today didn’t start off good. It started out with a lady all ticked off at me because I merged safely into her lane. She was in a big hurry. She reached over her kid 3 times (3 times!) to flip me off. Somewhere in there is a great parenting lesson…. or not.

When I got home, I picked up a message from an old friend of ours who plays drums. We followed his band for several years and were good friends with both the band members and the manager of the band, Jan Downes.
Jan was retired from the Air Force. She spent her civilian time raising 3 kids, getting married and divorced a second time, and promoting this band. They travelled all over the world at various Department of Defense gigs. Anyway, we heard years ago that Jan had breast cancer and had had a mastectomy. The message today was that Jan had died.
I decided to Google Jan to see what I could find out about her in recent years, since we had not really had occasion to speak much lately. She has an amazing, courageous story. There was a message in it that pertained to my day, and really my life. Don’t sweat the small stuff, and “live life”.

Janet Downes

My name is Janet Downes and I’m a 7 year breast cancer fighter. I don’t call myself a survivor anymore as I’ve been truly battling this disease. We’ve gone many rounds in this fight but I refuse to give up or let it beat me. It may win eventually but I’m going to go down swinging hard and leave my own bruises on it.

I am retired from the US Air Force and currently working on a book about my battle with cancer. I had 2 aunts, maternal & paternal die of this awful disease. Along with a third aunt that survived. Cancer was a word that I was familiar with but you never quite understand until it taps YOU on the shoulder.

In 1998 I was about to celebrate my 40th birthday. I had a wedding theme planned for my party and everyone thought I was nuts. Maybe I am a little but I got tired of seeing everything in the stores that was related to ‘40’ being in black. So I decided to poke a little fun at society because I didn’t feel old. That coupled with the fact that after 19 years of adulthood, I was finally at a place in my life where I was happy with almost every aspect of my life. I’d been married & divorce twice at that time, yet I no longer needed a man to ‘fulfill’ me. I had 3 beautiful children (Nicole, Jasmine & Eugene Jr.) and for the first time, was satisfied with my body. You know what I mean ladies? We always seem to feel that our breasts are too small or too big. Always complaining that something is wrong with our hips, butt or legs. We can always find something wrong with ourselves when we look in the mirror. One day I woke up & decided, I was happy with who I was, just the way I was. So that led me to, marrying myself. I didn’t know it at the time but that little stunt got me international fame. It seems that I was the first woman to think of it and actually carry it out. It was a beautiful wedding and I am happy with myself,even now.

Two months later, I had cancer. I had a modified bilateral mastectomy and went through 6 months of chemotherapy. The way I describe 1998 is like this; I found myself, married myself, lost both my breast & all of my hair. Whew! What a year!

I was on the mend and after looking at myself in the mirror and saying, put your money where your mouth is Jan. I knew that I didn’t have to have breast to be me. I was still Just Jan. I still loved me and I knew I would be okay.After coming to grips about being breast-less, I decided to get implants. When a doctor told me I could get any size I wanted, I figured, why not? That was my present to myself for enduring what I had just gone through.

I began living life to its fullest when in 2000; I felt a lump under my implant. It had returned. Looking back, the news didn’t devastate me as much as the first time, I did it once and could do it again. After taking that lump out,I had 2 months of chemo (all that I could stand because the side effects kicked my butt) and then 7 weeks of radiation. I lost my hair again but even that wasn’t as devastating as the first time because I knew it was coming back when all was done. I began to mend again. Smelling the roses if you will. Everything was beautiful. I was alive & that’s all that mattered to me.

2002, the cancer returned again, in my collar bone. In 2003 it returned again, twice. In 2004 and so on. That’s the short version. Here I am in 2005 and still fighting. I’ve had 16 surgeries in the past 7 years and am about to start on my 7th regiment of chemotherapy. As I said, I’m not technically a survivor but a fighter.

I don’t just fight the cancer; I try to help others through one of the most difficult times in their lives. I joined a group called; The Witness Project because they are a faith based group that goes into churches, schools,anywhere in the community that wants us and give our testimony to other woman. In hopes of teaching more woman about Breast Self exams and standing up for yourself when faced with a diagnosis of cancer. I personally talk to anyone and everyone that I meet. It’s all about being empowered. Cancer can, if you let it,strip away your life. I choose not to let it. As Tim McGraw’s song says, ‘live like you were dying.’ That sums up my life now.

Last year I applied to be a part of the group, Changing Gears but I missed the deadline and was heart broken. But I thank God that I was still around this year to apply and was accepted. Women from all over the world applied for the chance to ride. I’ve always had a special love for Bikes and used to ride years ago. But somehow, I got busy with life & kids and working and didn’t make time for it. When I saw the opportunity to get on a bike again, I jumped at it. Since being accepted I took the Riders Edge course and got my endorsement on my license. While I
don’t have a bike of my own, I’ve rented a few bikes to prepare for the ride.There is no better feeling than being on the road on a Harley (or whatever you like) it’s just you and a powerful machine and the road. The thought of riding with 20 other breast cancer survivors, raising money to help other women hit with this disease and meeting new people along the way has left me giddy with hope.

I tell people all the time that I’m lucky and blessed. When they hear my story they don’t understand how I can say that. The truth is, cancer can teach you if you let it. It’s taught me so many things in the past 7 years that I’m amazed every day. Cancer knows no color or age boundaries and because of that I’ve had to live that same way. I’ve found new friends and lost others that I thought were friends because of the cancer. I’ve learned not to sweat the small stuff because there is so much more to life. I’ve also learned to have less and less pity parties for one because when you think you have it bad, there is someone that’s always worse. I keep holding on, waiting for the Cure. I will ride as long as the good Lord lets me and I will enjoy my life as long as He lets me. I wouldn’t have made it this far without God, my family & friends. Especially my brother Ronn who has been like a sister to me. I have two beautiful grandchildren now, Giavonna 3 and Westyn 7 months. No one can tell me, that I am not blessed.

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