Author: Lisa

Jumping off of Paxil, slow and easy

Such a good article for anyone considering weaning off their serotonin inhibiters, like Paxil (paroxatine).   I told my health care provider I felt ok getting off the meds, because I had taken them for situational anxiety that had gone away now.    She recommended 50% for a week and then jump off, like most other physicians.   I told her I tried that, but I felt weird.   I had gone to a 75% pill for several weeks, and felt alright.   Her advise was several weeks of 50%, then 50% every other, then every two days, then stop.

I got through the several weeks of 50%, but when I started the every other day, I was so keen to not have the pills and pretty happy that I decided to jump off completely.

Just a few brain buzzes to deal with, and some dizziness sometimes.   I’ll give it some time and see if those go away.   It’s a little rough at times, because I am having to be on my feet all the time during my workday.

I hope work settles down again soon!   Or my vacation time kicks in.  One of those.  🙂

Nathaniel and Sophia Hawthorne

In my spare time, I’ve been immersed in writings by Nathaniel and Sophia Hawthorne.   Sophia and Nathaniel each kept written journals, but have been known to collaborate their writing here, in a journal called “Ordinary Myseries”.

“Intended solely for their own eyes, the journal records the ordinary events & activities that occupied them as newlyweds: walks through the countryside around Concord, appraisals of their new home, encounters with neighbors (among them Emerson, Fuller, & Thoreau), descriptions of the weather & the changing seasons–all material that Hawthorne would later draw on for the preface to his second collection of tales, Mosses from an Old ManseÓ (1846). Its most persistent note, however, is the mutual expression of marital happiness.” (1)

Sophie has taken it upon herself, after the death of her husband, to translate his journal into something publishable.      During her translation, it is thought that she is able to feel him with her spiritually.  “I think he reveals himself exquisitely in these papers… I seem to … see, through his eyes, what I might not see with my own.”

Another thing that struck me was the way Nathaniel and Sophia met.

“Like Hawthorne, Sophia was a reclusive person. Throughout her early life, she had frequent migraines and underwent several experimental medical treatments.[30] She was mostly bedridden until her sister introduced her to Hawthorne, after which her headaches seem to have abated. The Hawthornes enjoyed a long marriage, often taking walks in the park. Of his wife, who he referred to as his “Dove”, Hawthorne wrote that she “is, in the strictest sense, my sole companion; and I need no other—there is no vacancy in my mind, any more than in my heart… Thank God that I suffice for her boundless heart!”[31] Sophia greatly admired her husband’s work. In one of her journals, she writes: “I am always so dazzled and bewildered with the richness, the depth, the… jewels of beauty in his productions that I am always looking forward to a second reading where I can ponder and muse and fully take in the miraculous wealth of thoughts”.[

Two writers who obviously adored each other.

 

(1) Google Library

National Dog Show

Today, as we normally do on Thanksgiving, we watched the National Dog Show.   Nathan, the blood hound won, which is awesome, since he’s been competing in dog shows since he was 6 months old.  He is currently 4 years old.

I can’t help but react with delight as we watch these magnificently trained dogs, all of them, prance around in perfect form and follow their handler’s commands.   They stand still, even when people are prodding at their teeth and examining them to make sure they’re up to standard.

One thing I found very fascinating was a cute little breed, called Coton de Tulear.   It means Cotton of Tulear, a city in Madagascar.  It’s coat looks exactly like a cotton ball.   I can’t imagine how much brushing it must require daily to keep it’s coat untangled, but the dog sounds so sweet, it would totally be worth it.

Immigration Executive Order

“The changes will offer those who qualify the chance to stay temporarily in the country for three years, as long as they pass background checks and pay back taxes. But they will not be offered a path to eventual citizenship or be eligible for federal benefits or health care programs. And, in theory, the measures could be reversed by a future president.”

So, essentially “leave to remain of 3 years”.   And then what?

I think people should apply to stay and get a green card, if they choose, during this 3 year period.   Give them a 3 year or less period to be approved.   Reduce the cost for immigration, too.  It’s entirely too expensive.   It’s hard to afford to pay the fees.

We paid more than $2K for our whole process.  I would like to see those fees justified.

Lisa’s Banana Bread

This is the recipe I swear by.    Applesauce is essential.

  • 1 3/4 cups flour
  • 2/3 cup white sugar
  • 3 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp baking soda
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 3 large ripe bananas (when they start turning brown, use them in this recipe)
  • 1/3 cup shortening, margarine or butter
  • 2 tablespoons milk
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 cup natural (sugar free) applesauce

Turn the oven on 350 degrees F.     In a large bowl, mash the bananas with an electric mixer.   Toss in the shortening, milk and eggs, and mix very well.

Stop the mixer.    Pour the dry ingredients into the bowl.   I pour them ontop of each other, then blend them lightly (not into the wet ingredients, but ontop of..) with a fork  (this saves dirtying another bowl just to mix the dry ingredients).

Turn the mixer back on, then mix this all together for a minute or two.

Toss in the applesauce and mix it just for a second or two.

Turn the batter into a greased bread pan.      I like to toss a few things ontop, like white sugar or cinnamon sugar or walnuts, then toss it into the oven for an hour.

Out of Work Wierdness

So, we have moved to Texas and we have most of our stuff unpack, and it’s kind of weird, but I feel like I’m busy a lot of the time.  I’m taking care of the house, delivering and picking up the band gir, looking for jobs, letting dogs in and out, cleaning, folding, wiping things down, changing out the dishwasher and finding a bit of time for the first time in two days to watch the news.

Living in a larger town is different than one you can get from one end to the other in 30 minutes.  It takes so long to travel to places.   Sometimes I end up at the end of town where the mall is without intending to.    And then I say, “Darn.  I’m on the other side of town again.”   I am too impatient not to take the tollway.

This may not be a good thing.  I keep telling myself they haven’t billed a Nebraska car yet, so why worry about racking up toll charges.   Ok, I worry to much to think that for real, but it is the convincing line I use when I am trying to decide:  Tollway or Not the Tollway?

Tomorrow, I have an interview.   It should prove to be interesting, at least, even if I don’t get the job.   Or maybe I won’t want the job.   I won’t know until it’s over, really.

Anyway, it’s good to be around family now.  I like when they say, “I have made too much food.  Would you like some of it?”   Yes, we would.   🙂

2 Summers Ago

Two summers ago, I’d reached the end of my capability to deal with much more. To avoid going into details, I will just say that my ex was the total nightmare he’d always been with everything financial and psychologically, and though any divorced person may say their ex was a nightmare, they would have to come up with a pretty elaborate story to match mine. 

I was near having or AT having a break-down.  I was seeing my doctor just about every week or two with something else going wrong physically.  I thought i had a heart problem, that turned out to be GERD, and then tinnitus.  These things normally don’t go away.   On top of everything else, hearing I had chronic health problems was more than I could handle.    Things could have been worse, and I was sure they would be.

My doctor recommended a therapy clinic.  I ended up with a cognitive therapist. It turned out to be a sort of therapy that would get me through my issues.   I was diagnosed with situational anxiety.  I thought, “Really?  With everything going in, I thought I’d seriously lost it.”

Part of my therapy involved  reading a book about anxiety.    http://www.barnesandnoble.com/ean/978157224499.   I had all the symptoms of GAD.   I had to force myself to go out in public, to parent-teacher conferences or band concerts. I was afraid people would look ate and know that something was wrong. I didn’t want anyone to ask me how I was.

I spent my evenings doing assignments given by my therapist: drawing, reading, doing exercise, writing a list of 50 things good in my life.   I was afraid to even exercise because I was still worried about my heart, regardless of what the doctors said, but I did it anyway.  And I didn’t die.

I found a new doctor. She took me off the Prozac that had me feeling very weird and put me on Paxil.  It immediately came back to near normal.  I didn’t feel like flying of the balcony anymore (thank God).  She took me off some of the horrible GERD medications, allowing me more flexibility with pill-taking and eating.

Therapy went on and I finally got to the end of my goals. I could go places without problems. I could grocery shop without freaking out if Ian wandered off.   I was able to enjoy band concerts and watching movies and even handling small bits of the news and Gray’s Anatomy.  I couldn’t watch them for awhile because they only made me more anxious.

So, life goes on, and I have a lot to feel happy about.  A new home, my daughter and husband, my very awesome dogs, and my friends and family.

Strength is something you find when you feel like you just can’t do it anymore.

Life gets better.

 

 

 

 

Letting go isn’t easy

One of the difficult things about leaving my former position is feeling like I left my baby behind.  It was the Intranet, which I built from the ground up.  I did everything with it.  I created it, updated it, made pages act the way I wanted, fixed things, rewrote some PHP and CSS code, and now I’m (essentially) locked out of it.

NO!  My baby is all alone with people who can probably take care of him, but I want to take care of him.

Ok, that’s a little dramatic, I tell myself.   I say, “You can find another baby.  Just build a different one.”   But who would read a 150 page, menu-enabled web-site, except for employees.

Maybe I can make babies for other people.  IDK.   Sad.  😦

My name is Lisa, and I build large 亲吻+裸体 websites.   🙂

Design a site like this with 亲吻+裸体.com
Get started